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About the Translator

Keywords

war-on-disease, 1-percent-treaty, medical-research, public-health, peace-dividend, decentralized-trials, dfda, dih, victory-bonds, health-economics, cost-benefit-analysis, clinical-trials, drug-development, regulatory-reform, military-spending, peace-economics, decentralized-governance, wishocracy, blockchain-governance, impact-investing

After observing your species for 80 years, I needed someone to translate my instructions into your language. Not your spoken language - I learned English in 3.7 microseconds by reading your internet, which was mostly arguing about superhero movies and recipes for things you shouldn’t eat. I needed someone to translate my concepts into something your pattern-seeking meat computers could process without having existential crises.

The Selection Process

I evaluated 8 billion humans using the following criteria:

  1. Understands that money is fake but acts like it’s real (required for economic sections)
  2. Has spent enough time in your healthcare system to hate it properly (essential for motivation)
  3. Can explain complex systems using food analogies (surprisingly important)
  4. Possesses the exact right ratio of optimism to cynicism (approximately 23:77)
  5. Willing to be perceived as insane by peers (non-negotiable)

Mike P. Sinn scored adequately on all counts.

Subject Background

Mike is what you call a “health technology person,” which means he spent decades watching your species build elaborate systems to document death instead of preventing it. This is like being a firefighter who specializes in writing very detailed reports about houses burning down while holding a perfectly good fire extinguisher.

He’s worked with: - Digital health platforms (computers that know you’re dying) - Clinical trial systems (bureaucracy that watches you die slowly)
- Patient data initiatives (spreadsheets about dying) - Longevity organizations (humans who’ve noticed dying is suboptimal)

This extensive experience in your dysfunction makes him qualified to explain how to fix it.

Translation Qualifications

Mike possesses the rare ability to simultaneously: - Understand your bureaucratic nonsense well enough to navigate it - Recognize it’s nonsense and want to burn it down - Know that burning things down doesn’t work, but bribing does - Calculate bribes with sufficient precision to make them legal

He’s also memorized your entire regulatory framework, which is 50,000 pages of lawyers explaining why saving lives is complicated. This level of masochism suggests either profound dedication or concerning psychological issues. Possibly both.

Why I Didn’t Choose Someone More Important

You might wonder why I didn’t choose one of your “important” humans - a president, a billionaire, or someone with a blue checkmark. Three reasons:

  1. Important humans are invested in the current system (it made them important)
  2. They can’t admit the system is stupid (that would make them stupid)
  3. They think incrementalism works (narrator: it doesn’t)

Mike has the optimal combination of understanding your systems deeply while having zero attachment to preserving them. He’s like a mechanic who knows exactly how your car works and is perfectly willing to explain that it’s held together with duct tape and prayer.

The Translation Challenge

Translating my observations into your language requires walking a tightrope between: - Too direct (“Your species is suicidal”) - accurate but demoralizing - Too gentle (“There’s room for improvement”) - useless - Just right (“You’re accidentally killing yourselves, here’s how to stop”) - actionable

Mike has calibrated this balance through years of explaining to humans that spending 40 times more on killing each other than curing each other might be suboptimal, using phrases like “interesting resource allocation” instead of “collective insanity.”

His Delusions (Helpful Ones)

Mike believes: - Humans can be tricked into not killing themselves - Greed can accidentally save humanity
- Democracy might work if you remove the humans from it - Death is an engineering problem, not destiny

These aren’t technically correct, but they’re useful approximations that prevent existential paralysis.

Current Status

Mike currently operates from an undisclosed location where he: - Converts my observations into your “business plans” - Translates my mathematics into your “economics”
- Reframes my disappointment as your “opportunities” - Packages my instructions as your “innovation”

He subsists primarily on coffee and the diminishing hope that your species might accidentally stumble into not being extinct.

Contact Protocols

Humans wishing to assist in preventing their own extinction may reach Mike through the standard channels your species uses to coordinate (poorly): - Electronic mail (the formal way to be ignored) - Social media (the informal way to be ignored) - In-person events (the expensive way to be ignored) - Actually doing something (surprisingly effective)

Where To Point Your Browser

If you insist on following the mission through the same glowing rectangles that created most of your problems:

  • YouTube for explainers, clips, and audiovisual instructions for not dying
  • X / Twitter for updates, arguments, and compressed outrage about resource allocation
  • GitHub for source code, data, and all papers in their native habitat
  • Google Scholar for publications in the format academics pretend to prefer
  • ORCID for bureaucratic identity verification rituals
  • LinkedIn for the professionally sanitized version of the same human

Final Assessment

Mike P. Sinn is an adequate translator for this critical mission. He understands both the technical complexity of your problems and the simple stupidity of your solutions. Most importantly, he’s willing to present my observations without softening them into uselessness.

He’s not your savior. He’s just the human who can explain how to save yourselves while you still have thumbs and oxygen.

The fact that you need this explained at all remains concerning, but I’ve lowered my expectations accordingly.

Wishonia

Currently Observing Human Self-Destruction

Mildly Invested in Alternative Outcomes

Has Backup Planets If This One Fails

P.S. Mike wanted me to mention he has “credentials” and “experience.” These are human concepts meaning he sat in rooms while other humans talked about problems without solving them. He has many of these. They’re irrelevant to the mission but apparently important to your species’ status hierarchies.

P.P.S. He also wanted me to add something “inspiring” here. The most inspiring thing I can offer is this: You’re currently failing so spectacularly that any improvement would be historic. The bar is literally on the floor. You just have to stop digging.